Man-Flu, a serious medical condition (or Phenomenon, it depends on perspective) is commonly thought to be on the rise. Anecdotal reports from Wives, Girlfriends and De Facto Partners have not only documented a significant increase in frequency of this condition but also in the increased severity of symptoms purportedly experienced by the affected individuals.
This study analyses the Causes and Symptoms of Man-Flu and sets out to describe treatment modalities and solutions for all those affected by this debilitating condition.
Causes of Man-Flu
First and foremost it is necessary to acknowledge the genetic component that plays an integral role in Man Flu. The condition is inextricably linked to the XY chromosome and is absent, by definition to those holding the XX chromosome. Studies are still be carried out to determine the extent of those affected by Man-Flu by XXY Chromosome holders.
The virus most commonly associated with Man-Flu is the simple Rhinovirus, aka ‘The Common Cold.’ However, it must be noted that many symptoms of Man-Flu will most likely appear with infection of any other pathogen. But, for the purposes of this study we will be discussing Man-Flu after infection with Rhinovirus.
The virus particles enter the individuals blood stream after exposure to infected airborne droplets, or through hand to mouth contact after touching a contaminated surface. Once inside the body, it is believed that the virus multiples at a rate comparable to those carrying the XX Chromosome. Females. However, as seen below in Symptoms, the outcomes are much more extreme.
Symptoms of Man-Flu
The blocked and Stuffy Nose Symptom; is most frequently associated with excessive sniffing, repeated ‘hocking back’ of mucous matter followed by propulsion into a sink (N.B This author has observed that the sink will frequently be left as so, not rinsed). Another consequence of the blocked nose will be a continual scattering of used tissues, filled with nasal secretions. These may be left on the floor, on the arms of chairs and in particular, left by the side of the bed.
The Cough; this study has found that the cough tends to be of a sudden, explosive variety and is most certainly of a higher decibel than those supporting the XX Chromosome. The most commonly occurring characteristic in the Man-Flu cough is that it is 99% of the time terminated with a hand gesture on the chest and an ultimate groan which these researchers interpret as “Poor Me. I am sick. I am dying.”
Bodily Aches and Pains; experienced aches and pains are paramount to a true diagnosis of Man-Flu and must necessarily be accompanied by loud, constant complaining (amongst which generalised moans and groans are a prominant factor). In the addition to that, and perhaps one of the most important observations gained from this study is the total, and complete Incapacity that occurs as a result of Man-Flu. Whilst infected with Man-Flu it is fair say that individuals will have to completely deviate from normal routine and pretty much, all responsibilities.
Readers may not be surprised to learn that this will not only include Paid Work but also Unpaid Responsibilities such as Caring for the Children, Taking out the Rubbish and Picking up Socks and Boxer Shorts off the Floor. However, it should be noted that there was little change in sock picking up specifically when compared to the control group.
Treatment of Man-Flu
This author regrets to report that treatment Modalities are few and in the most part, ineffective in impacting upon both the duration and the severity of Man-Flu. A sympathetic partner may encourage simple remedies such as paracetamol and hot lemon drinks. T.L.C (Tender Loving Care) is another form of researched Treatment but has long been associated as being an Old Wives Tale. This author tends to agree.
Intermittent Bed Rest (PRN), QID Doses of Sofa Rest (to the extent of creating a semi-permanent dent in the the cushion) mixed with regular high doses of Non-specific ‘Bumming Around” appear to be the most popular treatment modalities for those afflicted with Man-Flu.
However, it is when these Treatment Modalities are repeatedly met with enhanced self-wallowing and even further incapacitation this author has deduced that, on the whole: No Treatment is Recommended. I repeat, No Treatment is Recommended.
At the time of printing this author regrets to state that currently, the future looks dire. Man-Flu is on the rise and it is without a doubt that further Symptoms can and will develop as, due to World Wide travel and the interactive Influences of Men from all over the world on the World Wide Web, will continue to fuel the Spread of Man-Flu. There is also the possibility of this phemonon mutating creating an unbearable Myriad of Symptoms which may simply prove to be too much for any one household to tolerate.
To finish, I would like to re-iterate the options that an XX Chromosome Holder may undertake:
- Try the Treatment Modalites and Risk re-enforcing XY’s sense of Suffering
- Ignore the Phenomena of Man-Flu the moment it appears under your roof (NB this period may likely be 5-10 days). Impatience may ensue.
- Run for the Hills.
This author favours option three and if running for the hills is impractical due to the presence of children or work commitments this author recommends spending as little time at home as possible whilst the infected individual recuperates.
DECLARATION OF INTERESTS AND MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: This Author Has No Competing Interests (except for the health and wellbeing of XX Chromosome Holders). Disclaimer: This is not intended to replace medical advice. If you, or your partner is suffering from any medical symptoms, including but not limited to Man-Flu, please seek attention from your Medical Practitioner…and leave them there.