***UPDATE November 2016: After a spiritual awakening earlier this year and increased intuitive and psychic abilities I can now say that I personally do not have a medical issue but that I simply ‘see’ the world differently. One of my teachers has suggested that it is ‘energy’ that I am seeing and I agree with him – as my proposed ‘snow’ has developed into the ability to see things other than dots/fuzz. I will be blogging soon on ‘seeing energy’ and will link that post here. I can’t say anything about other sufferers of visual snow but I have read in many places that there are many of us who attribute this ‘snow’ to enhanced intuition and clairvoyance.
Please see this recent article I’ve written for in5D.com on the topic: Diagnosed with an Incurable Medical Condition Turns out I was just Waking Up
I was too scared to admit it to myself for periods of time extending a couple of minutes. I would shut one eye and look around, within seconds I’d get this fight/flight response, my heart racing – knowing I couldn’t see properly.
For over a year now I’ve hugged a terrifying secret, fearing – mostly when alone – that I was losing my sight. I did go to the Opthamlogist early on and attempted to describe my weird symptoms (see below for those) but he told me I was stressed. Which of course was true, as you well know. He told me my eyes were perfectly healthy – bar more than a few floaters that constantly ‘get in my way’ – and my brain MRI came back clear.
I finally admitted to myself that things were getting worse this year so once the dust settled after we returned from Egypt I took myself off to an Opthamologist/Neurologist for a second opinion. Begging him to believe me I told him, ‘Something is wrong with my eyes. I just feel like I can’t see properly. I mean…’ I gestured to the empty air between us, ‘Can you see this too?’
When it’s dark, bright, or if I’ve gone from light to dim quickly the world becomes pixelated. One eye shut – the world is pixleated. I have the sensation that light ‘sticks’ into my eyes like a material object, light is usually a ‘glare’, patterns are like a loud noise hurting my eyes and there are the after-images of things like after a camera flashes when I’m in bright light. Objects are formed and distinct but ‘light images’ of those objects often surround them. It can be too bright but also too dark. My right eye often aches. I get ‘lightening’ flashes and see fast rolling waves of colour after closing my eyes at night – more so when I’m really tired. I am OK with seeing further away (driving, going for a walk) but have greater difficulty ‘seeing’ for close up stuff in dim lighting- cooking, reading, and writing. Looking at complex patterns hurts – they twist, turn, wriggle. Two days ago I was staring at a large metal ventilation grid, it literally looked like it was raining silver lights.
Although I can’t see things the way normal people can, according to my neurologist I’m not going blind. It turns out that I have a rare neurological (yeah, we like doing rare in this family) condition called ‘Visual Snow.’ My eyes are perfectly healthy…it’s my brain that won’t let me see properly. It turns out there are others like me! It is a condition that has only recently been recognised and research on it has only just began.
Causes for this condition are unknown (they used to blame drug abuse for this, but thankfully for the reputation of Nurse Naomi, not anymore!) and there is no treatment. My symptoms could get worse – I really hope they don’t…I’m hopeful they won’t. And I feel soooo much better about my vision since getting this diagnosis! I’m not scared by what I see anymore. There is something else that is weird about this condition too…
When scanning the info sheet my neurologist gave me, I found there is a common psychological component to this condition, called Depersonalisation and Derealisation. Apparently many sufferers experience very upsetting sensations that they are watching themselves/not really there at times. Sounds surreal doesn’t it? Well, upon reading that, I quickly comforted myself that I don’t get these symptoms. Until something struck me…Over the past 18 months there have been countless times that I have told myself that what I was witnessing with Hana wasn’t real. I’d go and hide myself away in our walk-in-wardbrode and whisper over and over again this ‘this isn’t real, this isn’t happening, this is not my life, I just want to leave…’ And I would ache to be able to leave my body, just for a while, in order to escape this physical agony as my little girl deteriorated in front of my eyes every day. I wasn’t suicidal by the way, not even depressed, the pain was just so intense I would have given anything to leap out of my body for a while to escape the suffering.
This isn’t depersonalisation or derealisation as experienced by other sufferers of visual snow but it gave me food for thought. My symptoms only really became noticable after Hana’s diagnosis and the start of our battle to save her had began. And it was then that I longed to ‘leave myself’ many times each day. It’s like my brain then started to do so and the world as I knew it began to look so different.
My first port of call being told there was no treatment and being a homeopathy student was of course – my homeopath. For a long time she has thought that my constitution fits the family of ‘Noble Gases’ and I’d already had great success in getting rid of my exercise induced asthma after taking Hydrogen 1M. My last remedy was Neon, 200c taken around Christmas time when I was being inundated with negative thoughts, mainly about death as Hana’s condition was getting so severe and help was off the cards. It helped to pick me up then and I had a definite mood improvement afterwards. This time round my homeopath found that there are several visual experiences listed in the Neon Proving that related to my own experience of visual snow and my current psychological state/hopes/dreams/understanding of where I am in the Universe and so she prescribed Neon in a 1M dose. If the remedy does help me it will be because it fits me ‘as a whole’ with my constitution – it will not be a potential ‘cure’ for visual snow, as you probably know by now that homeopathy doesn’t work like that!
So here is a clip that illustrates some of symptoms – although not all:
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