Three years ago my daughter suffered enormous fallout from her surgery and I pledged myself, lifelong, to finding a cure. I want to tell you something: I no longer need to find a cure for Hana (although I am working for one). The most incredible transformation has happened over the last six months as I have unravelled the underlying truth of my consuming desire to heal her. Are you surprised to find out that my desire to heal Hana had an underlying motive? And it has nothing to do her. It is all about ME.
Those who have been with me since then remember this promise – and many of you, beautifully, assured me of how convinced you were that I’d find the cure – a way to heal her brain. I knew in myself as a matter of certainty that if I didn’t find one that already existed, I would create one.
Then, as you all know, I searched in the realms of mainstream medicine and found many good things that helped us. I also began to explore the non-mainstream and alternative realms and had my mind cranked open to the possibilities of healing modalities not yet proven or understood by science. It was amazing.
But then I had another awakening, this time of a spiritual kind, massive waves of kundalini energy began charging through me, connecting me to a spiritual dimension and realm I had been adamant didn’t exist. In this realm I found schools of thought around spiritual lessons, karmic implications, growth and repeated physical embodiments in the form of reincarnation. Maybe, I thought, Hana and I had chosen this life to learn together as souls? Therefore everything we were going through was for the best. But then – as my journey progressed and my thirst to expand my knowledge base and understanding of the meaning of everything I found theories on our Co-Creative abilities – we as creator beings create our entire realities by thought:
‘Life is responding to you. There are no accidents or coincidences: every single thing has a frequency, and when anything comes into your life, it means it is on the same frequency as you are.’ – Rhonda Bryne, THE POWER
I was introduced to and then began to train in Energy Healing modalities that facilitated medical miracles – mircales that re-created entire realities, healing terminal illnesses and more! I met and mixed with people who had these incredible miracle hearings.
I ached inside: If others can have a spontaneous miracle healing – so can Hana!
So then after the peaceful acceptance of a paradigm that accepted suffering as part of spiritual growth I was back in a state of flux and unease: I knew now that it was possible to grow spiritually without suffering – I could now recognise my creatorship abilities, accept responsibility for my reality and I was working hard on manifesting a future where Hana was healed! I experienced her instantaneous healing in meditations and I lived in two realities – two vibrations, one where she was healed completely and the other where I’d pick her up from school and give her medications to keep her alive.
Using Theta Healing and Manifestation Meditations Hana began to change in front my eyes – one reality merging into another as the dosage of one of her life sustaining medications quartered dramatically and inexplicably over the period of a week and a tiny change to her pituitary function – which according to current medical understanding ‘shouldn’t be working’ – showed up on a blood test.
But I wanted more. I needed more. This miracle, of seeing my daughter heal completely – this was my birthright just as much as it was the birthright of any other human around me who shared miraculous stories of miraculous healings.
‘I’m trying to work out what to do next…’ I told my Theta Healing Instructor on my Advanced Practitioner course, ‘I can’t figure out yet what more I need to do to facilitate Hana’s instantaneous healing – the blockage must be with me, not her!’
Following my advanced certification in Theta Healing I spent the most part of three days in meditation and in Theta state, looking deeply within myself for the answer that I knew was buried within me, I could feel it shifting and wrestling there – waiting to be accessed: Everything that is around us is here because it is benefitting us in some way – we have willed our realities into existence. But how, when I wanted it so badly wasn’t Hana’s complete, dramatic and instantaneous healing part of what I was willing into reality?
I need to know what do! I kept yelling at myself, over and over again.
‘Don’t ‘Do’, just Be’ was one answer. Does a star try to shine?
Naff! Totally naff, I thought. I’d never been one for inspirational quotes and nauseating anecdotes, although I could openly admit that I was becoming more and more like ‘that’. Nevertheless, this was still naff.
But then again, ‘Like the essence of a Star is to be Light, so you need to BE in a state of Love.’
All very good and well, I thought, sighing a little cynically whilst still in meditative trance, but I wanted to know how to heal my daughter!
So I gave up meditating and got out a pen and paper to begin digging deeper so I could find the bottom line to healing my daughter, what was it? WHY did I want to witness the miracle of her healing? And the big question, what would happen if I didn’t facilitate her healing?
If I don’t heal Hana – she continues to suffer –
If she suffers I feel powerless –
If I feel powerless I feel alone –
If I feel alone I don’t know Who I Am –
If I don’t know Who I Am I don’t know What I Am –
If I don’t know What and Who I Am – I don’t know the Truth.
I bent double in pain as the realisation literally slammed into my cognitive mind, like a car ramming into a wall. My quest to heal my daughter was so much more than about healing her, it was my quest to discover the Truth of What and Who I Am – the essence of my Soul and what it really means to be human.
The quest to Heal my Daughter was a lead but the person that truly needed healing was ME.
The tears that had drenched my cheeks and couch I was kneeling against, dried up and I went back up in meditative Theta state and asked to be shown the Truth on What and Who I Am.
What I Witnessed:
I felt myself and the whole of creation – the physical, the spiritual realms and everything in-between to be a single roll of thread, delicately and vibrantly interwoven. The thread was the essence of All That Is – a single creating energy force that is Love. Everything that didn’t look like Love was just an Illusion, it was all a matter of perspective and perspective was a choice.
I experienced myself as everything at the same time: the Earth and my children, I saw Hana coming out of school but I saw quite clearly that she wasn’t separate to me, she was ME. And then I felt a puzzled amusement at the ego-driven, humanistic quest to facilitate her healing. I felt a whisper – Why? Can’t you see? Don’t you remember? Things are not as they seem. Everything is perfect because everything is Love. Why do you want to change perfection?
At that point I could feel what a waste of energy it would be to try and bring about Hana’s healing from the perspective of a confused ego-driven human, thinking it’s doing one thing, but really it was doing something else. It is hard to put what I mean into words because at the same time it definitely wasn’t suggesting that healings shouldn’t be pursued – not at all! But the important message for me was the starting point. My starting point had been ego driven and selfish although I’d been unaware of it, my quest to heal Hana was in actual fact about finding out the Truth on (and proof of) What and Who I am.
But now I had seen and felt the true essence of my being – and it wasn’t separate or alone, it was divine and it was a one continuum of loving energy that is everything all at once. The need to see Hana instantly healed began to dissolve into a feeling of bliss as my attachment to her healing ‘de-attached’ as I shifted my focus away from facilitating her healing solely onto my love for her.
Right on time, my meditation music began to play a piece called ‘Heaven is on Earth.’
But still – I had questions:
‘How do I work as a co-creator, here in physical form?’
Create from a place of endless love.
Love doesn’t look for proof or results, it just is. Like a star shines it’s light.
I tried to incorporate this into my analytical mind – so the concept being attached to outcomes…this Buddhist concept of attachment being the root cause of all suffering, incorporating this was necessary for me here and now.
And then I knew nothing would ever be the same again: to create in the purest sense, would be to create as the Creator Of All That Is creates (we are a continuum of this creating force) and that is in the highest vibrational energy that exists – LOVE. If we create from a starting point of unconditional, eternal love that expects nothing back and seeks nothing in return then it will only ever be perfect because this is creating with perfection.
I no longer needed a Miracle Healing to prove to me my connection to the Divine and to give me the Truth of What and Who I Am – I had experienced it firsthand. Just like anyone else can if they want to. The Truth to What and Who we are is in each and everyone one of us – we are never separate from it.
In my mind’s eye I saw Hana walking out of school: My love for her was so powerful it engulfed her in fierce golden flames. And what happens next? A little voice piped up -does she rise from the ashes, healed, like a Phoenix?
Then I let go of the question the ego was asking – because the flames were still raging and I knew the answer didn’t matter – it would embody Perfection because anything that is created out of Love is Perfect.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this…I hope that you have been able to resonate with some of it. I believe there are no coincidences that you have taken the time to read this – there are truly massive leaps happening in the human consciousness at this point in time. A year ago I’d have laughed my head off if you’d shown me this as a future blog post, but as the collective consciousness is evolving to that of a higher vibration, I too felt it and a year into my spiritual journey I am honoured to sharing my experiences with you.
I am continuing to work in the physical; mainstream and integrative healing modalities and also in the non-physical realms ‘Healing Hana’ – it is phenomenal to be able to do this, I am witnessing amazing things.
Meanwhile, here is some HUGE news:
I’m excited to be launching a new email subscriber group called “Your Soul Health” – weekly emails on Spiritual Health and Wellbeing, elevating our Soul Health Consciousness. Be an early bird and sign up right now so you don’t miss the first email!